Divorce is a chaotic experience for many families. Most couples find themselves butting heads consistently throughout the divorce process. Particularly when divorcing spouses share children, they may have many issues about which they struggle to agree. While they may disagree about many elements of their divorce, parents may agree that they want to protect their children from the worst aspects of divorce.
Couples who can agree to abide by the three tips below may find that their children bounce back more easily after the divorce and struggle less when adjusting to shared custody. How can parents limit the emotional and social harm caused by divorce?
1. Address the change as a family
Controlling how the children view the divorce and respond to it begins with telling them about the upcoming change. Instead of simply announcing the decision, parents may want to cooperate to have a sit-down conversation in which they both answer the children’s questions and provide them with reassurance.
Having agreed-upon answers for common questions, including why the parents decided to divorce and what this may mean for the children, can make it easier to prevent that conversation from becoming an argument.
2. Keep the children out of conflicts
It is very easy for children to feel trapped in the middle of parental disputes during divorce proceedings. The more conflict that they witness between their parents, the harder it may be for them to adjust to the new family situation.
Parents generally want to limit in-person or telephone arguments in front of the children. They also need to be careful about talking disparagingly about the other parent where the children may overhear them. Saving those discussions for private environments can be crucial to the overall mental health of the children in the family.
3. Embrace predictability and consistency
Part of what makes divorce difficult for children is the need to move back and forth between houses with different rules and expectations. The more that parents can agree on and standardize, the easier it is for the children to adjust.
When the expectations regarding academic performance, technology use and curfew are the same at both houses, it is easier for the children to meet those standards. Parents can also limit the likelihood of the children playing them against each other for their own short-term benefit.
Trying to find a way to parent cooperatively after a divorce isn’t easy, but it is often what is best for the entire family. Parents may need to work together to establish household rules and custody arrangements that truly work for the whole family. Children may have an easier time adjusting when they see their parents working cooperatively with one another instead of fighting against each other.